Norfolk Nerd Ramblings   The mad ramblings of an aging nerd.

Found this in my junk mail:

Hello my the surprised friend!My name Nadejda and I wish to take away from you at all a lot of timeand to penetrate in my letter! My trade the doctor the dentist. I hadan ingenious idea to try to find love not in that place where I livenamely not in Russia! In me there were such emotions since recenttime! I would like to tell to you about it my new friend. On my formerwork in the Stomotologichesky Polyclinic I had a chance that I will goon an exchange for practice to other city for me it it was good andnot much not on myself because to go to other city on practice! I donot have there friends or even I am simple girlfriends with which Ican to spend time and speak cheerfully about problems in mine to a newlife. But all has exchanged and on an exchange there has gone my colleague which only not for a long time has come to us for work afterthe termination of Medical university. But the desire to find theacquaintance from other country at me remains on former. I thought ofa step as acquaintance to the person from other country much. Onceafter work I have gone on foot because weather was fine and saw asenamoured steams follow a hand and exchange gentle kisses. I do nothave not enough tenderness and the favourite person in the lives andit to me became very clear after this walk. I like to walk sometimesone alone with myself and to think about the lives. I could not findthe happiness in my city and till now is lonely. For myself I haveresolved to search for the love in other country. Especially I heardmuch about that that people from other countries are more romantic andare careful concerning relations with women, so to say they have aspark in eyes! I am ready completely to this step and have boughtyours e-mail in International Dating Agency. To me have told that youmy friend very good lonely person with kind and open heart. I wish totell about myself directly that to me 28 years and my growth 168 see Ilive to Russia, city Novochebocksarsk. In connection with that that in theworld financial crisis and few workplaces goes reduction. I have gotto reduction and I had to finish the work in hospital. Now I work inCafe-Bar. I wish to be happy life in the and I have serious sights atthis world. At me the big age and is a lot of experience behindshoulders. I am confident that we can to find with you the general atheme of conversation and to learn each other more. I hope to seeyours the letter my friend about your life. As I to place my foto withthe letter and some resume in a file. I very much would like to seeyours the letter and to have with you acquaintance. I would like tosee that we became good friends and not only.

As far as I can work out I’m being chatted up by some unemployed Russian doctor/dentist.  The translation appears to be by Google or Babelfish!  I don’t think I’ll respond, she’ll not be too impressed when she finds out I’m a 46-year old, married, fat bloke!

Don’t forget “be the happy life and have serious sights at this world”.

Oh and by the way, if the wife is reading this I am most definitely NOT registered with an “International Dating Agency”

These made me laugh, so I’m passing them on:

The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing “father’s details;” or putting it another way….

Who’s your Daddy?

These are genuine excerpts from the forms. .

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had it
replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son’s conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country . Please
advise.

7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? child B who was also borned at the same time…..well, I don’t have clue.

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Gordo Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening.. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart.

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